Yes, its been ages. Where have I been? Wrapped up in my life, guys. The last few months have been bleak, challenging, and devasting, but I am grateful for how much I’ve grown, learned, changed and strengthened.
One of the questions I often bemoaned to God during this time was “Why?” I really didn’t understand.
And one day, as I took out the trash and bitterly wondered “Why?” again, God sent me a sign.
There in the grass, in my path, was a perfect, gray feather. I had just read about feathers as signs the night before and the sight of one just as that question formed in my mind illicited a gasp.
I bent over to pick up the feather, and it had a perfect quill tip. For a writer like me, the message couldn’t have been more clear.
“Why, Celeste? Because you are to write.”
That message stopped my bitterness right in its tracks. And again, I appreciated the irony, because I had been asking for motivation and inspiration to write, and oh, did He give it to me in spades. In painful, painful spades.
It never looks like you thought it would.
But I always try to look at the plus side of any situation, and not only have I come out stronger on the other side of this, but I have a sheaf of 35 poems that I wrote during that dark time.
And these poems, maybe I will never publish them or even show them to anyone (or heck, even read them again- so much pain) but they mean something. They are special. Because they showed me that even in times of great pain, I am a writer. They showed me that writing is more than just a thing I want to do, it is part of what I am.
I am a writer. Maybe I need more practice, more experience, more time. But I am a writer. I will never doubt that again. This pain taught me that. And that makes it beautiful. That makes it worth it.